I am my father's daughter ;)

I have cried more in this past week than I’ve cried in the past few months!

I’ve cried for myself,

      for my family,

and for my friends…

I have been clinging to the Lord’s promises,

begging that He would come through for my loved ones and for me.

And you know what?

While I still don’t know his purpose for all of this, I have felt his healing hand rest upon my heart, telling me that it’s all going to be okay…

Praise God for that :]

And heck, while I’m at it…

Praise God for his word!

…I’d be completely lost and hopeless without it.

Praise God for encouragement!
…Seriously, what would I do without my dear friends and fam?!

Praise God for the transition of seasons! For the brisk air and the gorgeous colors!
…I see God’s love so powerfully displayed through nature. I’d like to think that while circumstances are rough, He still wants to give me reasons to smile. Give me orangy/red & green trees, and He’s got me. Oh yes, he loves me that much ;)

Anyways, I’m doing pretty well now! :] Seriously, I’m finding it easier to be hopeful and joyful.

But I will say that if there is one thing that I’m learning through all this, it is:

When situations seem hopeless, you have to choose.

First, you can either acknowledge the hurt, or pretend like it doesn’t exist. It’s no one’s choice but yours.

For me, this is always so hard. When I acknowledge pain, I feel weak… and who wants to feel weak? Definitely not me! Most people try to prove the opposite! “I’m tough!” “I can handle it!” “I’ve got it all together!” But how often is that so far from the truth?

I’m reading a book called Wild At Heart, written particularly for men. It’s super helpful for women to read too though!! If you feel like you just don’t understand certain things about your boyfriend, your fiancé, your husband, or your sons, reading this book might be a step in the right direction. It isn’t just for men! I’m finding it extremely helpful. Now, with that being said, this is related to what I was saying earlier, I promise.

In Wild At Heart, John Elderidge talks specifically about wounds. Because I can’t say it better than he, I’m just going to copy and paste an excerpt from the book:

“Men are taught over and over when they are boys that a wound that hurts is shameful,” notes Bly. “A wound that stops you from continuing to play is a girlish wound. He who is truly a man keeps walking, dragging his guts behind.” Like a man who’s broken his leg in a marathon, he finishes the race even if he has to crawl and he doesn’t say a word about it. That sort of misunderstanding is why for most of us, our wound is an immense source of shame. A man’s not supposed to get hurt; he’s certainly not supposed to let it really matter. We’ve seen too many movies where the good guy takes an arrow, just breaks it off, and keeps on fighting; or maybe he gets shot but is still able to leap across a canyon and get the bad guys. And so most men minimize their wound. “lt’s not a big deal. Lots of people get hurt when they’re young. I’m okay.” King David (a guy who’s hardly a pushover) doesn’t act like that at all. “I am poor and needy,” he confesses openly, “and my heart is wounded within me” (Ps. 109:22).

Or perhaps they’ll admit it happened, but deny it was a wound because they deserved it….

God is fiercely committed to you, to the restoration and release of your masculine heart. But a wound that goes unacknowledged and unwept is a wound that cannot heal. A wound you’ve embraced is a wound that cannot heal. A wound you think you deserved is a wound that cannot heal. That is why Brennan Manning says, “The spiritual life begins with the acceptance of our wounded self.” Really? How can that be? The reason is simple: “Whatever is denied cannot be healed.”

While Elderidge is talking specifically about men and a certain kinds of wound that only they receive (usually from their fathers), I think the general idea can be applied to women as well. I don’t know about all you other women out there, but I still really relate to what he’s saying!

After we acknowledge that we are wounded (and as we’ve read, that is the way to go if we want to heal!), we can choose to believe what God says, or what Satan says.

Satan says God has forsaken us. He is not powerful enough to come through for us. He doesn’t care about us.

Well, let me tell you, the Bible says very different things.

It is so much easier to believe what Satan wants us to believe. We want to see God come through now and when he doesn’t, we give up on Him. In our impatience however, we miss the process, and honestly, the blessing, of total reliance on God.

If you’re in a dark place, go to the Lord. Search His word for promises, and cry out to Him to fulfill them. There is nothing like seeing a prayer answered, or experiencing the “peace that passes understanding.” It’s seriously the best.

Welp! I think I must take after my Dad, because I’m preachin! Hahah, I apologize for going on. But I do hope that this has been somewhat encouraging to someone out there! I will stop now!

SO! On a different note, this week has been good! Quick recap:

• Teaching at the Friendship house was awesome this week… The boys were tough again, but the girls seriously light up when they learn new steps and when we acknowledge their success! Keep praying for the guys!
• Math went well this week! I’m going through some ACT questions with them. I only had 2 students participating this time, but they were respectful at least. Pray that they are internalizing this for themselves and not just mindlessly copying down what I’m telling them!
• Love date nights with the fiancé!  :] We’re about to start reading some books together, so pray that we learn more about one another and honor Christ in our relationship always!
• Halleluyer, my table and chairs are almost finished!! It’s seriously adorable. Now I just need some seat cushions, and I’ll have the best looking dining room set in Peoria ;)
• I GOT A 2^ND JOB!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!! :] I will now be working at a little boutique called the Hyacinth!!!
• Yesterday was the CHRIS JONES EVENT! And it was seriously SO awesome! Oh my goodness… I’m completely sore, but we had a better turn out than what we were expecting, and we got to hang out with Chris all day! He is tight with people like Justin Timberlake and other famous celebrities, so it was so cool to get to ask him questions and learn more about life as a professional dancer. I think we were all incredibly inspired and encouraged after the class... I sure was :]

Ya’ll. God is good. I’m so thankful! Chances are if you’re reading this, I really love you. So you should probably text, call, or message me, because I’d love to talk with you! :D

Please support!

This is a support letter that I have written... please take a moment to read it.

Dear friends and family,

I hope this note finds you well! As many of you know, I am currently working with City Dance – a non-profit organization located in Peoria, IL. I wanted to take a moment to share why I have a heart for this organization, inform you of the exciting work that we are doing in our community, and invite you to become a part of it.

The sad reality is that many youth in Peoria participate in unhealthy activities such as gang involvement, criminal activity, drug as well as alcohol abuse, and the list goes on. While these might be activities that they choose to participate in, they don’t get to choose the life circumstances that they are born into. I have met children whose parents are in and out of jail regularly, children whose parents have abandoned them. There are kids who come home from school wondering if they will be able to eat a meal, let alone see their parents at all that day.

These staggering facts break my heart. In some ways, it is no wonder that these kids head down destructive paths; they do not know anything else. They have no hope of a better life. What they need are options that are relevant to their interests in order to discourage participation in unhealthy activities. Some of them need a family. Some just need to be loved. And our communities are in dire need of quality programming that can be effectively utilized to decrease behavioral problems, improve academic performance, and bolster the development of positive character traits and healthy relationships.

So here is where we come in. City Dance is committed to changing lives through dance and the creative arts. We are currently operating as a multi-site after-school/weekend arts program with a community outreach mission. Our particular focus is the under-served youth population in Peoria and surrounding communities, but given the opportunity, we serve all ages.

Our larger mission is focused on using the arts as a vehicle to provide a supportive, positive environment for the under-served youth and young adults in our city – one that fosters a love for creativity and positive self-expression and offers the opportunity for mentorship and positive decision-making.

Dance is our primary focus, with a large emphasis on the styles that connect most with the youth and the population we are serving. Currently, these styles are hip hop, street jazz, break dance, lyrical, and contemporary. We also offer creative arts mentorship opportunities to individuals interested in other areas including graphic design, photography, videography, audio production and recording engineering, painting and drawing, vocals, drums, etc.

Unfortunately, for many of these kids, there is no possible way that they are able to afford a program like this. They need your help, and so do we. Would you please consider partnering with City Dance prayerfully and/or financially? While any help is greatly appreciated, we are in most need of consistent support.

Thank you so much for considering this unique opportunity. We truly believe that in partnering with us, you are not only helping us transform our community, but ultimately, fulfilling a greater purpose: bringing God’s Kingdom to earth. If you have any questions, I would love to connect with you. Please let me know if this would be something of interest. I am really looking forward to hearing from you!

In His Name,
Sabriah

--------------------

Please consider:

_ I would like to commit to a consistent contribution of $_______
monthly/semi-monthly (circle one).

_ I would like to make a one-time donation of $_______.

_ I would like to commit to praying for City Dance as well as Sabriah.

Please note:

You can either donate by sending a check to

613 Pierce St. Morton IL 61550-OR-

online at citydancepeoria.org 

*Make checks payable to City Dance*

**Remember that all donations are tax deductible.**

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If you decide to give to City Dance, please let me know. I would love to personally keep you updated you on the happenings and express my thanks!!

Not Forsaken

It is so hard to sit down and write when you have nothing that you want to say.

You see, I want to say that I’m doing really well. That I’ve never been better!... But I can’t.

I want to say that my prayers are seeing fruition. That God has been so good in answering swiftly. That I see a ton of growth in myself… But I can’t.

Most of all, I want to say that I see God’s purpose in all of this. That I know why He has me here and how He is going to use me. That I understand the reasons for my financial instability, loneliness, and boredom… But I. just. can’t.

… and it really wears me down.

I don’t want to tell you that I still struggle with motivation to get out of bed in the morning.
I’d hate to say that I find myself disappointed. Often.
And I really wish I didn’t have to say that I sometimes wonder if God is changing me or using me at all.

So often, I struggle with the lie that it’s all my fault. I’m not growing because I’m not doing something right. I’m in a rut because I’m not trying hard enough. And right now I am constantly having to combat those lies. Because that’s exactly what they are… lies.

Ugh. It’s exhausting.

Let me tell you what I can say…

I can say that I fully believe that God keeps his promises. He has proven time and time again to work all things for the good of those who love Him, and He is not going to stop doing that now.

I can say that while I might not be
-in the situation that I want to be in
-doing what I want to be doing
-receiving what I’d like to be receiving
God has shown me that He has not forsaken me. He has not forsaken me. And he never will.

So I am continually having to humble myself and say,
“Okay God, you are right. I was wrong. You know what you are doing.”
Yet, unfortunately, the frequency of having to say this doesn’t always make it easier the next time.

But, this is what it’s all about, right? Dying to self? Following Christ even when it’s hard?
Yes. And I know that it’s so worth it.

Please just keep praying for me. I know I wasn’t super specific in any of the many things that are going on right now, but I could just use a boat load of prayer in all areas.

Finally, the last thing that I can say is that I know there are people out there who love me so much. And what a blessing that is!

Friends and family, I love you. I need you. And I am beyond thankful for you.

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On a side note, please please please vote for City Dance! You can vote once a day until October 31^st! Please please please please please just do it! 

http://www.cultivatewines.com/cause/49216/?fb_action_ids=4638525128049&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%224638525128049%22%3A341226699304748%7D&action_type_map=%7B%224638525128049%22%3A%22og.likes%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D

Also, this was a sermon that the Pastor at Richwoods gave at church last Sunday about spiritual growth being circular, not linear. Let me tell you, God was speaking directly to me that day. If you have 40 minutes and you’d like to gain wisdom and be encouraged, listen to this message. 

http://www.richwoods.org/sermon-media/

citydancecitydancecitydance

Week one of teaching at City Dance – Complete!! Wahoooo!

It has been such an eventful and fun week, let me tell ya! Where do I even begin?!

Well, all of last week, we were gearing up for a performance at the Morton Pumpkin Festival which took place on Thursday night. It was our first performance where we performed a group number. Before, we had been doing a set of solos, so this time, it was super fun to learn choreography and rehearse together. The dancers were Tyler, Josh, Anna, Liz, and me. We performed to an excerpt from Boyfriend by J-Biebs. Hopefully there will be a video up on youtube pretty soon!! Anyways, I cannot tell you how much fun it is to bond as a group by learning a dance together. We get silly, then focused, then a little crazy, then a little frustrated, then straight up slap happy! Hahah, it’s the best. At the actual performance, we were able to get pumped up behind the stage together and feed off of one another’s energy. For our very first performance together, I think we did pretty well. :]

This week was also the first week that we taught at an afterschool program called The Friendship House. For the first hour, Josh taught the boys Hip Hop and Liz and I assisted. For the second hour, I taught the girls Street Jazz and Josh and Liz assisted. There were about 10-15 boys and girls in each class, and between the two groups, the boys were definitely more difficult to teach. There were a couple boys who were really testing their limits. They lacked respect and discipline and that really slowed down the class. However, that’s exactly why we’re there. We hope that in the next couple weeks, we will gain their trust and respect as well as show them that it is really fun and rewarding when you work hard at something and succeed. Teaching the girls afterwards seemed like a walk in the park. They were smiley, cute, and full of energy!! Thankfully, they really lifted our spirits and we were able to leave feeling really great about the day.

City Dance is about more than just Dance, so during the last 15 minutes of class, we sit the kids down and talk about our mentorship theme of the month. This month, our theme is Family. It wasn’t very difficult to get most of these kids to open up. When asked to describe family in one word, kids would say things like crazy, annoying, caring, loving, patient, etc. We eventually talked about families outside of our relatives, and how it is possible to feel part of a family outside of home. The kids seemed to be tracking with us, and it was a perfect way for us to let them know that we care about them, we love them, and we can be silly, crazy, and goofy as well! That’s our specialty! ;) I have no doubt that the City Dance Family is going to grow big time this year.

Well, truth be told, I was kind of dreading Tuesday because I had to teach my first math lesson… But, it was actually PHENOMENAL! I found resource online that give full lessons plans with practice problems and objectives, so I used that this past week. The kids listened, they were respectful, they asked questions, and I think they actually learned something and had a little fun! We played a game at the end, and they just ate it up. I was so happy at the end of class! Praise the Lord! Keep praying that I will not be anxious about this every single week. It’s really easy for me to get nervous since I’m not a math expert!

On Wednesday, I had an interview at Barnes and Noble for a position in the café! There is a three step interview process, and so far I have made it through two of them. While I really hope I get this job, as it will really help me financially, I’m a little nervous about it conflicting with City Dance. From what it sounds like, if I get the job at B&N, I’ll be able to work 24 hours a week. So pray that God’s will is done in whether or not I get this job, and then if I do get the job, pray that it will be easy to work out the two very different work schedules.

Today (Saturday) we had our first studio classes at Body Fitness. In both of my classes, I had two students: one boy and one girl. For a couple of the classes that we were offering, no one showed up! So that was a little discouraging… but I’m sure everything will work out.

VERY exciting news...! On Tuesday night, the Mayor of Peoria made a proclamation saying that September 11^th, from now until forever in the city of Peoria, will be officially known as City Dance Day!! How cool is that?? We’re hoping that this will broaden awareness of our organization and bring in more funding! But apart from that, it is just such an honor to have received that recognition. God is so good, right? :] He is also provided a City Dance car for us! It will serve the purpose as a traveling billboard and a means of transportation for kids! We won’t have that right away, but it’s in the works.

As far as my life outside of City Dance goes, I made a couple new friends (yes!), tried out a small group at Richwoods, got my first pay check (:D), created a monthly budget, and made tons of progress on wedding planning! God continues to bless me each week, and it seems like things just keep getting better and better.

On a side note, I still don’t really feel like I’ve connected to Richwoods much… and that is hard. I had to really force myself to go to the women’s small group because I knew I’d be the youngest there, and low and behold, I was. I know it just takes time, and I have been out of town these past couple weekends, so I haven’t even been able to attend the Sunday service, but I guess I’m just not used to not being super involved in Christian ministry like Lakeside or Cru. Thankfully, my close friends are able to keep me accountable and point me to Jesus. Oh what would I do without them? :] But I really am excited to go to Richwoods tomorrow morning again, and I’m especially excited to eat the delicious donuts that they serve!! Heheh. Please pray that I would really feel connected to this church soon, and grow a ton spiritually through it!

Oh! I should mention that last weekend, I got to visit ISU and it was sosososo good! :] I’m so thankful to have those people in my life. What a genuine and loving group of people. I’m truly blessed to call you friends, friends. :]

I still have a ton of free time on my hands… especially in the mornings. So I’d love and appreciate phone calls or texts! ;) Thanks for taking the time to read and pray for me. God bless!

                                  As promised, some pictures of the apartment...

Bulletin board is up!

 Cute teal chairs! Still waiting for a table...

Futon, coffee, table, and TV 

I had 3 wooden frames that were too big for a 4X6, so I added some scrap book paper and it looks sooo cute!!

Let's Do This!!

Gosh, it is so weird to sit down and think about how different things were when I last posted. Last week I was on cloud nine, unable to eat or sleep regularly because I was so excited about being engaged!! Now, I am finally back on solid ground and I have resumed my daily routine. It has only been a week since I wrote the proposal story, yet it feels like it has been so much longer! My schedule has still been very free and I feel like that always makes time go slower. But now that I think about it, a lot has happened, so I’ll fill you in, and then tell you about the exciting things that I have to look forward to!

After Eric proposed to me, I was ready to plan the whole wedding that week! :P I was all over pinterest, gathering ideas and calling people about wedding venues.  I looked at wedding planning timelines and budget worksheets and got to work! My lovely (and awesome!) cousin bought me this intense wedding planner. It is basically an organizational freak’s dream, so I love it. It was slightly overwhelming… and I was scared to write in it because it was so beautiful, I didn’t want to ruin it… but I’ve gotten over that, and I’m finding that it is super helpful! So far, I think planning a wedding is fun! Now don’t worry, I’m not under the allusion that it will always be this fun, as I understand that it becomes more stressful as the big day gets closer… BUT, so far it is neat to be inspired and talk about what will suit mine and Eric’s taste.

Eric and I are trying not to spend a lot of money on our wedding because that’s not what it’s about. My mom said something along the lines of… “Don’t become so consumed with planning one day that you forget to prepare for a lifetime of being married to one another.” (Isn’t my mom so wise?) With this advice in mind, I have to remind myself that no matter what color scheme we choose, or what center pieces we make, at the end of the day Eric and I will be married and that is what is most important. So, as the wedding gets closer and more and more decisions have to be made, please pray that everyone involved in the wedding stays flexible, patient, and stress-free. Also, pray that Eric and I focus on working towards a marriage that is Christ centered and kingdom focused. I’m typically not a “stressed out” kinda gal, but I know that it is easy to get distracted by details. You should have seen me the other day when the clock on the wall was just ever so slightly crooked… now that stressed me out!! :P Anyways, prayers throughout this whole process would be greatly appreciated. :]

Even though I had fun look at wedding stuff, the absolute HIGHLIGHT of the week was getting to see Jane Chungchungchungchung and my sisters Adriel and Kaitlyn!! :] Kaitlyn brought me a futon from home and on Saturday we went to Menards to get paint and other supplies. The chairs that we painted are beautiful. Oh my goodness. They are a sea foamy/teal color, and I don’t have a table yet, but it will be grayish/brown. We also hung up some pictures and posters. This place is totally feeling homier. Oh! Annnndd, how could I forget!? Kaitlyn, being the most wonderful sister that she is, bought me a DVD player and a tool kit, so now I can WATCH DVDS and be nifty! ;) Gosh, it was so fun to do crafts, watch movies, laugh and play with muh gurrrrls. I am so blessed to have such amazing women in my life. I bet this apartment had never seen so much fun until this weekend! ;)

Ok, so now the real work is beginning! On Tuesday I went to the Dream Center, a faith based not-for-profit organization in downtown Peoria, because they needed a math tutor, so I volunteered for the job. I was under the impression that I would be there for an hour or so, helping high school kids with their homework or any concepts that they didn’t understand. However, when I got there, the guy in charge asked me what my plan was for the day.

Say whaaa?

I didn’t have any plans… I thought he would give me instructions!! So I told him that, and he said, “Oh alright! No problem, we’ll just assess the kids today and see what we need to focus on this year.” As I continued to listen to him explain his vision for the time that I would have with the kids, I gathered that he wanted me to teach them, not tutor them. Basically, these sophomores/juniors in high school are at the Algebra level, but they could use some extra help and reinforcement with the basics. So, while that was quiiite the surprise, and I was a bit overwhelmed at first, I’m actually really excited about it now! My class will consist of 15 high school aged kids. I’m going to follow the curriculum that they are using in their schools to plan lessons and cater to them as individuals when they need me to slow down on something or challenge them to move ahead. I have a lot of resources to use. I’ll give them worksheets, have them work in groups, and hopefully get them to see that math can be really fun! I mostly want these kids to see that they are able to succeed. In all honesty, I am not responsible for their math education. Technically, that is the job of their high school teacher. What I do feel responsible for however, is building a healthy relationship with these kids, motivating them to work hard, and building their self-esteem. I have never taught math before, and I don’t really know what to expect out of all of this! So please pray that God’s hand is very present in this!

Praise the Lord, praise the Lorrrddd, dance classes start next week! I can’t waaiiiitt! I’m teaching Beg/Int Street Jazz on Mon/Thurs/Fri/Sat. We had our staff meeting this week, signed paperwork, and got our schedule, so the ball is rolling and there ain’t no stoppin’ us now! ;) I’m praying that God will do huge things in the lives of these kids!  I’m praying that He’ll do huge things in me! And in the entire faculty! Seriously, in this past week, God has been blessing this ministry a ton! I can’t wait to tell you more about what that looks like for City Dance next time…

Ok, so keep me accountable to posting pictures of the apartment as it is getting more and more awesome… and writing more about City Dance’s exciting news! Eeee!

Until next time please continue to pray for:

• Financial provision! The paycheck starts coming in next week, so I am so thankful for that! I am currently applying for a part time job and waiting to hear back from a lot of places. It would be such a blessing if I were to get accepted so that I could have enough money to start paying off college loans and start saving!!

• Growth and community! Small groups at Richwoods church are starting up. I’m looking to make more great friends, grow in wisdom, knowledge and understanding of the bible, and deepen my relationship with my King!

• Recently, I’ve become really challenged by the idea of improving myself as a dancer by reading more books, watching more videos or dance clips, and basically taking it upon myself to make sure that I’m staying in the best shape that I can be in. I want to be able to teach these kids incredible dance technique and offer them tons of knowledge. But, in order to do that, I need to be challenging myself continually. 

With things really picking up and lots to look forward to now, all I can say is… Let’s do this!! :]