Not Forsaken

It is so hard to sit down and write when you have nothing that you want to say.

You see, I want to say that I’m doing really well. That I’ve never been better!... But I can’t.

I want to say that my prayers are seeing fruition. That God has been so good in answering swiftly. That I see a ton of growth in myself… But I can’t.

Most of all, I want to say that I see God’s purpose in all of this. That I know why He has me here and how He is going to use me. That I understand the reasons for my financial instability, loneliness, and boredom… But I. just. can’t.

… and it really wears me down.

I don’t want to tell you that I still struggle with motivation to get out of bed in the morning.
I’d hate to say that I find myself disappointed. Often.
And I really wish I didn’t have to say that I sometimes wonder if God is changing me or using me at all.

So often, I struggle with the lie that it’s all my fault. I’m not growing because I’m not doing something right. I’m in a rut because I’m not trying hard enough. And right now I am constantly having to combat those lies. Because that’s exactly what they are… lies.

Ugh. It’s exhausting.

Let me tell you what I can say…

I can say that I fully believe that God keeps his promises. He has proven time and time again to work all things for the good of those who love Him, and He is not going to stop doing that now.

I can say that while I might not be
-in the situation that I want to be in
-doing what I want to be doing
-receiving what I’d like to be receiving
God has shown me that He has not forsaken me. He has not forsaken me. And he never will.

So I am continually having to humble myself and say,
“Okay God, you are right. I was wrong. You know what you are doing.”
Yet, unfortunately, the frequency of having to say this doesn’t always make it easier the next time.

But, this is what it’s all about, right? Dying to self? Following Christ even when it’s hard?
Yes. And I know that it’s so worth it.

Please just keep praying for me. I know I wasn’t super specific in any of the many things that are going on right now, but I could just use a boat load of prayer in all areas.

Finally, the last thing that I can say is that I know there are people out there who love me so much. And what a blessing that is!

Friends and family, I love you. I need you. And I am beyond thankful for you.

-------------------

On a side note, please please please vote for City Dance! You can vote once a day until October 31^st! Please please please please please just do it! 

http://www.cultivatewines.com/cause/49216/?fb_action_ids=4638525128049&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%224638525128049%22%3A341226699304748%7D&action_type_map=%7B%224638525128049%22%3A%22og.likes%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D

Also, this was a sermon that the Pastor at Richwoods gave at church last Sunday about spiritual growth being circular, not linear. Let me tell you, God was speaking directly to me that day. If you have 40 minutes and you’d like to gain wisdom and be encouraged, listen to this message. 

http://www.richwoods.org/sermon-media/